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Becoming Whole
Relationships and sexuality are areas of life that can be beautiful or confusing, life-giving, or painful. Becoming Whole is a conversational podcast for men, women, and families seeking to draw nearer to Jesus as they navigate topics like sexual integrity, relational healing, spiritual health, and so much more.
Becoming Whole
Pride, Identity, and the Higher Call
How do you navigate the complex terrain of identity and labels within the Christian community, especially during Pride Month? This episode is an insightful exploration of the debate between using terms like "same-sex attracted" and "gay Christian." We tackle the pastoral implications and the deeper questions of identity that arise, highlighting how language can shape self-perception and connection within the LGBT community. We hope you'll gain an understanding of the arguments for and against each term, and learn the importance of compassionate pastoral care in supporting individuals through these challenges.
Moving on to the modern ideology of expressive individualism, we scrutinize its stark contrast with Christian beliefs. This episode uncovers the risks of syncretism and how blending differing religious beliefs can impact the purity of the Christian faith. We delve into the anthropological, sociological, ecclesiological, and theological levels to discuss the far-reaching implications of expressive individualism. Wrapping up, we invite you to embrace Christlikeness and discover what it means to see yourself as a holy creation of God. Join us for a thought-provoking conversation that challenges you to grow in your identity in Christ.
Awaken Mens' Retreat - Are you ready to take your recovery to the next level? Regeneration is Excited to announce our First-Ever Awaken Men’s Retreat. We have crafted a two-day retreat at the beautiful Bon Secours Retreat and Conference Center in Marriottsville, Maryland from Saturday, September 28 to Sunday, September 29. Secure your spot today! We are currently offering an early-bird sale price and this event is open to just 20 attendees. For more information and to register click here.
Wives Betrayal Basics Webinar - For more information and to register.
Sacred By Design Women's Retreat - Are you a woman who loves Jesus & and you're doing the hard work to break free from unwanted sexual behaviors?
We would be honored for you to join us for our first Sacred by Design Retreat to be held on Saturday, November 2, 2024. This special time has been crafted for you to receive and relax, to create and connect. We pray you’ll join us as we slow down long enough to be caught up by our Creator.
Only 10 spots are available. For more information and to register click here.
Hey everybody. Hey, I don't know when you're listening to this, but I'm recording this in the middle or towards the end of June, which has become known as Pride Month. I don't celebrate Pride Month, I'm not a big fan, but I bring it up because during this month of June, oftentimes my friends who deal with same-sex attractions, who experience romantic or sexual desire for the same sex, it can become a more challenging month for them, become a more challenging time, much the same as for my friends who travel for work or for leisure and end up in a town or a city where there's just a stronger gay presence or more gay pride. And one of the reasons it can impact them is because, on a personal level, there's a battle for many of us who wrestle with same-sex attraction. There's a battle for, for many of us who wrestle with same-sex attraction, there's a battle with our sense of what does this mean about me? In other words, it moves beyond just hey, I've experienced a temptation to a question of identity what does this mean about me? What do these feelings I'm experiencing mean about me? And certainly the whole concept behind gay pride is is about you. It's not just about what you choose to do or who you choose to sleep with or who you choose to be with. It is the concept behind pride that's pushed. The spirit that's pushed during Pride Month and other areas of gay and lesbian pride is this is who we are and so accept us as we are Now.
Speaker 1:This podcast is not intended to debate the world. This is not what I'm about. But I do on a pastoral level, on a shepherding level. This raises some really important questions and I want to get after those questions today and I want to approach the pastoral question that's embedded here around the use of terms. The pastoral question that's embedded here around the use of terms, because there are some Christians, devout Christians, following what the scriptures teach about sex and sexuality, who believe that it is best to refer to themselves as same-sex attracted, and other Christians, devout Christians, who hold the same beliefs, traditional beliefs that the church holds, the church capital C over time and space holds around God's design for sex and sexuality, who say there's no problem with referring to myself as a gay Christian. So I want to just unpack that the pastoral concerns are kind of looking at these two lenses. The pastoral concerns are kind of looking at these two lenses.
Speaker 1:So, first of all, just to kind of dig in a little bit to the same-sex attracted quote-unquote or the quote-unquote gay Christian. What's the argument? Let me give just a kind of quick flyover of why there's disagreement. Folks who refer to themselves as gay Christian and say there's no problem with that would often say well, look, linguistically it's just shorthand. People know what it means. Saying that I'm same-sex attracted is rather clunky compared to just saying I'm.
Speaker 1:Secondly, they would say that it's a way evangelistically, it's a way to, as a Christian, to let others, especially those in the LGBT community, recognize that there's some understanding that I see you, I understand you, I get you. This has been my story too. You discovered early on that you had same-sex attractions. Guess what I did too. And it's an easy way to bridge that gap because we're using the same language as the world does. It's also a way to let others know that whatever baggage there may be between a person and the church or the Christians, where they may have felt hate or animosity or judgment from Christians around their sexuality, those who refer to themselves as gay Christians can maybe slip under that a little bit or get a little closer because they're not distancing themselves by using words like same-sex attracted and I'd say, hey, fair enough. I do think there's freedom in Christ in a lot of these decisions.
Speaker 1:I would say, though, however, I think that the question goes deeper. I think it is deeper than just a matter of referent. I think it is deeper than just kind of a deeper than than you know your choice of clothing, choice of music, even choice of nickname you choose to call yourself perhaps. I think it goes deeper than that, and this is where I get I have questions pastorally. So when someone comes into my office and they're talking about themselves, whenever they're talking about themselves and this is true for all of our coaches when a person's talking about themselves, one of the things we're listening for is not in a critical way, but just in a in a compassionate way is how does this person view themselves, how do they hold themselves, how do they posture themselves in relation to themselves? So you know words that indicate shame, words that indicate self-hatred or self-rejection, words like pervert, hypocrite, idiot, stupid, ugly, unlovable the list goes on those catch our attention. They have a greater weight than just a benign idea or concept or name.
Speaker 1:Names matter, because actually, interestingly enough in ancient Israel to know the name of a god or a lowercase g god, or of a demon or a spirit to know the name was assumed to have power over that spirit. If you knew the name, you had some level of power to either invoke that spirit, call upon that spirit or even make that spirit do something for you. Spirit, call upon that spirit or even make that spirit do something for you, which is interesting when we think about jesus, for example, when he met the man, the, the man, the garrison demoniac, when he asked the demon its name. So, anyway, there's a little side note there, but but it does. It does mean something in the pastoral sense too, like what are the words that we use about ourselves communicating to to us, about ourselves? Because words are not just words. Names are not just names. They do impact how we. They both impact and they can express how we think about ourselves, how we understand ourselves, the lens through which we see ourselves and therefore the lens through which we see the world around us and everybody else around us, which we see the world around us and everybody else around us. The names we use to call ourselves can both reveal on a deeper level, what we believe about ourselves and therefore what we believe about those around us and can also feed our sense of ourselves and feed our sense of those around us. Now, the words I was just using, you know, pervert, idiot, ugly, for example, those are obviously not benign, right, those obviously have a negative weight to them. And so let's come back to the referring to ourselves as gay Christians. Does that have a negative weight to it? Maybe not in the same way that those other words do, but they do go deeper than just a referent, than just kind of a neutral word. They're not just neutral words, are they?
Speaker 1:Carl Truman, in his book the Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self, gets after this idea of expressive individualism. Individualism, we're all familiar with it's. You know the my truth is my truth and I, you know, only I know kind of what I'm made for and I'm seeking, you know, personal satisfaction. That's individualism. Expressive individualism takes a step further and says and what I find to be true about myself, I myself, I have a right to express in the world and the world has to respond the way that I want them to in relation to that. So if I believe that I'm made to sing, then I'm going to go for it, because that's really where I'm going to be fulfilled in life and everyone around me should support me. Be fulfilled in life and everyone around me should support me.
Speaker 1:And, and sadly we we see this on some of some of the singing competition shows where people come into this. You know family saying you got this, you got this and people really can't sing. You know it's actually no, we actually you don't sound very good. You either need lessons or you just gotta accept that you're a little bit flat and you're gonna be, I don't know I and I say that as a guy who is not known for singing particularly well. So expressive individualism nonetheless kind of holds to. This is me and I know it. In other words, the locus of truth, the center point of truth, the genesis of truth, where truth can be known and we should look for truth is inside of ourselves. It's in me. I know me best and no one else can tell me. That's one of Carl Truman's points in his book and we see that all around us and we certainly see it in the area of sexuality and gender.
Speaker 1:The whole concept of transgenderism rests upon this idea that that the person, him or herself, their self, is the only one who really knows the truth about that person themselves and no one else can tell them. Despite what? The visible reality of them, despite the biological reality, despite the chromosomal reality, despite all of that, despite the biological reality, despite the chromosomal reality, despite all of that, despite the historical reality, despite whatever else, like, the locus of truth lies in the person. That's expressive individualism and and I believe that that bleeds out into the conversation we're having around referring to ourselves, understanding ourselves to be gay or lesbian Christians. In this way, it is not just to say to the world hey look, I get it, I've been there. I mean, I so appreciate that heart, by the way, like, I'm not trying to downplay that at all, but it is, in a way, it is agreeing with the world that there is a locus of my identity that comes from my own experience and no one can tell me it's not true. It is an agreement with the world's perspective that expressive individualism is good. It is an agreement with the world that the locus of truth, the locus of the truth of my identity, is in me.
Speaker 1:And the problem with expressive individualism for Christians is that it is a religion, it is a faith, it is a declaration of where we are to understand the truth of ourselves and our relationship to the world. In other words, it is in competition with what scripture teaches to be the true truth. It is in competition. It is to set ourselves up to set our internal life up up and against God. So in the Christian tradition, the locus of truth is not within ourselves. Locus of truth is not within ourselves. The locus of truth where we go to understand who we are and what our relationship with the universe is, we don't go to ourselves. We don't look within ourselves. We look up and out of ourselves to the one who has created us. We did not create ourselves, we were created. We are not the clay that says to the potter why did you make me like this? We are intended to be malleable. We are intended to be formed by our creator and we recognize with humility that the locus of truth lies with him, not with me. And so any agreement with the expressive individuals in our culture is in essence to say I am a Christ follower, the locus of truth is with God, and I also recognize the locus of truth is with me.
Speaker 1:My experience, and as Elizabeth Wanning, with Change Movement, pointed out in a recent talk I heard her give, this is what's called syncretism. Syncretism is a religious word that refers to the blending of different faith traditions, the blending of different religions. It's kind of, you know, picking and choosing, doing the kind of a la carte version of religion. So I pray to Yahweh about this, I pray to Baal about this, I go to Asherah about this, and in the Old Testament there are many examples of God coming against the Israelites because, hey, you cannot have other gods. I told you to tear down those other high places. They cannot coexist with me. You follow me and me alone. And I think she's right, at least on a cultural level. On a communal level, there is a syncretism happening in the area of sexuality, especially around LGBT issues in the church, as people bend the knee, whether they mean to or not, to the God of the age that says the locus of truth is in me expressive individualism, I get to decide. And they try to appease that God, even as they call people to follow Jesus. That's syncretism.
Speaker 1:On a broader level, I mean one of the problems with expressive individualism. One of the other problems with expressive individualism is that it cannot be contained within the self. So if the locus of truth is in one person or in each person. That automatically extends the conversation to the anthropological and the sociological and the ecclesiological and ultimately to the theological, if we're created in God's image. So the anthropological it doesn't just answer the question about what this specific person is, but what a person is. What does it mean to be human? Sociological, how are communities meant to interact with each other? And we are in a cultural hot pot of this right now, as expressive individualism is rising, where people are saying like you need to treat me this way, you need to refer to me this way, you need to use my preferred pronouns, it's, you know. Will these coexist or will one say no? You have to bend the knee to the other. That's a sociological question, not just an individual question.
Speaker 1:And then ecclesiological was members of the church of Christ, we, all these decisions, all these matters end up impacting how we relate with one another in the church and what we recognize the church's role in our lives. Do we submit to the church's authority? Do we adhere to what the church teaches? Do we give ourselves for the betterment of the church? Do we consider others as more important than ourselves within the church and within the world? These are ecclesiological questions. And then it becomes theological in that we are created in God's image. And so if Genesis 1, 26, 27 is true, that every human person is made in God's image, then what does it mean if the locus of truth is just in me? And how does that map out in our own kind of internal individual theologies? And I think this is where Elizabeth Wanning's point is so astute that it automatically means we're getting into that realm of syncretism.
Speaker 1:So again coming back to the pastoral concern here and let me just say this too, just as a word of concession, if you're listening and you're like well, no, I, I refer to myself as a gay Christian, I think of myself as a gay Christian and and and I don't hold that idea that the locus of of truth is in me I am able to separate that out. You know, if you can parse that out in your own thinking and your own feeling about yourself and how you relate with God and with others, if you can parse that out in relationship to how the impact that you have on the church, on your local congregation, and that's all worked out in that context and you are rightly representing God's obedience to God and his design of you as a man or woman, as a Christian, then more power to you. But I am raising the concern that I don't believe it's possible. I don't believe it's possible to not impact your own thinking, the lens through which you see yourselves, the lens through which you see others and the lens through which others see you. I don't think it's possible to not have an impact. And, speaking to these issues on an anthropological, sociological, ecclesiological level, I think that these things get into our thinking, into the airwaves, and they impact not just you, because expressive individualism is a lie, it doesn't work. What we do, what we say, what we believe, what we live, impacts others. We are fundamentally relational creatures and so all this impacts others. So again, I can hear somebody saying well, wait, but that's why I refer to myself as gay Christian, because I want to positively impact those outside the church, I want to evangelize and I would say to you fair enough, fair enough, and maybe it's a matter of, you know, being all things to all people, you know referring to yourself in certain contexts that way, so that you are able to parse those things out in appropriate ways. But I'd also say to the church at large right now none of us is off the hook with this, like how are we going to manage this reality that there are competing ideologies and competing religion and faith that are getting into the way that we're thinking and believing as churches? I think we can do better. I think we can do better. I think we can do better than bending the knee to an ideology or an idea that says each person should be able to find out who they are by looking within and, as a matter of fact, for the sake of Christ, I think we must do better. Let me close with a story that I think highlights this well, the pastoral concern here and how it plays out.
Speaker 1:I was having a conversation with a man a while ago and I've mentioned this in this podcast before, but it was such a poignant example of this who he had written a piece that really described the value he brought to his local congregation as a gay Christian, as a celibate gay Christian, and the example he gave. One of the examples he gave in his article was being at a friend's house. I think there was a barbecue or something in his friend's house and he was talking to his friend's wife and his friend's wife was saying something about how she needed to lose weight and this man was said to his friend's wife and his friend's wife was saying something about how she needed to lose weight. And this man was said to her you know, you can lose weight if you want. I'm all for you being healthy, but I want you to know that you are beautiful as you are. And somebody else at the party heard him say this and and leaned his head out the door and said to the owner of the house the guy's wife, or the the lady's husband, hey, so-and-so's in. To the owner of the house, the guy's wife, the lady's husband, hey, so-and-so's in here hitting on your wife. And the guy at the barbecue said wait who? He said you know so-and-so. He named the guy's name. He said oh no, I'm not worried about him.
Speaker 1:And the point of the article was that because he's a gay man, because he has same-sex attraction everyone around knows that that he is able to speak into and bless this woman, bless her sense of herself and her beauty as she is, without it being a threat to this guy or to their marriage. Because he's not a threat, because he's not attracted to women in that way. And I get what he's not a he's not a threat because he's not attracted to women in that way and I get what he's getting after there. I think it's. I think there's such beauty in that story. It's such a good story because women do need the, the blessing of safe men, of men who will honor them and their beauty, and who who will not get all hung up on the propped up kind of ideal image of a woman in our culture that so many women are oppressed by. Who can see and call out the beauty in women, and Christian men do need to be able to trust each other and not feel threatened by one another.
Speaker 1:My concern, though, on a pastoral level, with his story is twofold. A pastoral level with his story is twofold. One he's being degraded in that story because his friend is not saying about him oh, I'm not worried about him because he is a man of virtue, because he is a man of great love, because he is a man with whom I have deep abiding trust, because he is a man with whom I have deep abiding trust. He is saying about him I'm not worried about him because he doesn't dig chicks, he doesn't, he doesn't, he's not attracted to women, which is not as high a calling. And maybe he meant all those other things too. I don't know, but like the point of the story was it was because of his same-sex attraction, because he was gay, that his friend didn't need to worry about him. That's degrading. That is not a high enough calling for this man, and also it's degrading to the other men in the story Because it suggests that a gay man can bring to this conversation something that everyone else in the room cannot. With every other man in the room, the guy at the grill should be worried if they're saying something affirming and blessing his wife, my brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1:From a pastoral perspective, this ought not be so. This may be our present day reality. We may not be able to trust ourselves as somebody else's wife. We may not be able to parse out, am I truly blessing this person or am I flirting? But we ought to aspire to become men of virtue and holiness and love and we ought to aspire to become a community that is so intractably committed to the well-being of one another and to the holiness of Christ that we can grow to trust one another in these deep and vulnerable ways, so that a man could say to his brother's wife I want to bless you In all, holiness, I want to bless you for the beauty that God has imbued in you as you are. And women to be able to say to men I want to bless you, to know of the goodness I see in you and in your manhood, and to be able to receive those things from one another as whole, men and women, not based on our brokenness, not based on something that's askew in us, but based on the fact that God is redeeming us all. This is the high call of being Christians. This is the expansive upward call of every Christian man and every Christian woman.
Speaker 1:Now, you know, if anybody in the store ever hears this podcast, they might say you know, that's not it at all. You missed it, and maybe I did. I wasn't there. It at all. You missed it and maybe I did. I wasn't there, but I hope that at minimum you can hear and my point across the board for all of us right now and I'm talking to my brothers and sisters who experience heterosexual attractions, same-sex attractions, a mixture of both, something altogether different who struggle in this area, who don't struggle in this area my point with all of this is that how we, on a pastoral level, how we talk about ourselves, think about ourselves, see ourselves, understand ourselves.
Speaker 1:All of this matters deeply for our growth in Christlikeness, our ability to become whole. Men and women who image Jesus as Jesus images God and you become wholly what God has intended us to be, as man and woman in his image. So to all of you, let me just extend a blessing to you as a fellow man on the way, not perfect, but in the name of Jesus. I bless you, all of you listening to receive the fullness of who you are in Christ, to see yourself, understand yourself, feel about yourself, sense yourself more and more holy as Jesus knows you, as Jesus has created you and redeemed you to be. May you know yourself as God knows you and may you hear his upward calling to become more and more like Jesus in the fabric of your being. In the name of the Father, son and Holy Spirit, I pray amen.
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