Two Snares Keeping You Stuck

Two hidden habits might be quietly prolonging your struggle with sexual sin—and they often masquerade as maturity. We dig into self-hatred and self-pity: why they feel justified, how they attach to faith language and real grief, and what to do instead. Rather than piling on shame or dwelling in sorrow, we unpack a path of self-compassion that keeps dignity, responsibility, and growth at the center.

If you’re ready to trade contempt and pity for courage and compassion, join us. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the one shift you’ll practice this week. Your voice may be the nudge someone else needs.

An Invitation for our annual women's retreat.

Sacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today!

Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Chapters

• 0:00 Two Sneaky Saboteurs Named
• 1:41 How Self-Hatred Takes Root
• 6:38 Scripture Misused To Justify Shame
• 10:38 Why Self-Contempt Blocks Recovery
• 16:41 Follow Jesus Into Your Failures
• 21:16 The Farmer And The Barren Field
• 24:28 Self-Pity Disguised As Grief
• 29:11 When Pity Breaks Community

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:18

Hey friends, today's podcast I want to I want to uncover for you two sneaky little things that may be keeping you stuck in your unwanted sexual behavior. And I say they're sneaky because sometimes you don't realize you're doing them, sometimes uh they seem justified and natural, uh, and sometimes they even seem like they're helping you in your recovery journey, but they're actually keeping you stuck. Matter of fact, they can be so sneaky that sometimes those who are helping you or coming alongside of you may not realize that they're there, and they actually may also contribute to them. I know I've actually been guilty of these in my own life, my own journey. And I've also been guilty of accidentally contributing to these in someone else's life as they're trying to gain freedom. They can be that sneaky. So let's uncover them, let's talk about them in today's podcast. Here they are, the two self-pity and self-hatred. Self-pity and self-hatred. Both sneaky little things that, if not uncovered and renounced and abandoned, will keep you stuck in your unwanted sexual behavior. So here's how self-hatred, that's that's maybe the most obvious one. Self-hatred gets into this, into our recovery journey because as we continue with our unwanted sexual behavior, we can very easily begin to turn on ourselves because we're like, wait, why do I keep doing these things that are causing me so much pain? Why do I keep doing these things that are causing other people so much pain? I something's wrong with me. I'm driving myself crazy, I'm driving other people crazy. Um, I promise I'm gonna stop this. I've been maybe I've been in recovery for a long time or long enough that I think I shouldn't be doing my behaviors anymore. And it's very natural, it makes it understandable why we would then start to look down at ourselves, hate ourselves, be mean to ourselves, um, feel deeply ashamed about ourselves. Even though it's understandable, it is a trap. It is a mistake, it's an error that will really cause you harm to turn on yourself in this way. Now, some of you go might think, well, self-hatred's maybe a little too hard. I don't I don't hate everything about myself. But just recognize in the area of recovery, do you feel a level of loathing of yourself? Do you put yourself down? Do you have a lot of negative self-talk around your recovery, your sexuality, your journey? Um, do you say mean things to yourself, even just in your head? Are you self-deprecating towards yourself? Uh these are all signs of self-hatred. And and if again, if self-hatred feels too extreme, then just think on a scale, like, you know, uh, or gradations. Do you have any gr is there any hint of self-hatred or self-rejection that you're carrying? Any hint of you turning on yourself? If so, that's what we're talking about. That can keep you stuck in this, uh, in your recovery journey, not making progress. Some of the favorite verses, even that people might attribute and think, hey, it makes sense that I'd feel so about myself. Look, look what scripture says. Uh, 1 Corinthians 9 27, Paul beats his body and makes it his slave. He beats his body and makes it his slave. Uh, some people can think that's what they're doing when really what they're engaging in is self-hatred. Don't miss the context of what Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians. He's talking about being like an athlete who's working really, really hard to discipline himself so that he can achieve that crown of victory. That's not the same as turning against yourself. That's that's turning against the parts of you that are resisting progress or that feel lazy sometimes and and don't want to do the work. That's different than self-hatred. Um, or Psalm 22.6 might be another favorite verse of those who who are contributing to self-hatred. It says, uh, it's David saying, I'm a worm and not a man. Okay, if I'm a worm and not a man, like that's what I feel like in my addiction. I'm I'm I'm such I'm so bad that I'm a worm and not a man, uh, or I'm not a woman for women out there. But uh, but again, don't miss the context. The psalmist is not actually saying that he's a worm and not a person. What he's saying is that this is the way people are treating me. They're treating me so badly. They're treating me like I'm a worm and not a person. This is, he's not advocating or prescribing that we treat ourselves this way, that this is the right way to treat ourselves. Self-hatred can be really sneaky. I think, I think Christians, sadly, can can be some of the ones who are most prone to really despising themselves because we talk about the flesh or the um or the old self in such a way that we think we're turning on that. The problem is that that can get really confusing for us. So we need to saturate ourselves in some of the reality that God doesn't treat us that way. God does not hate you, brother and sister. Yes, you've been struggling with sexual sins for years and years and years. Yes, there are times where you actually say, you know what, I want it, and you turn toward it. But does God hate you in response to that? Absolutely not. So here's why. Here are the here's the problem with self-hatred. I'm gonna give you five or six of them. First of all, as I said, God loves you. Scripture is absolutely clear that God loves you. For God so loved the world, including you, that he gave his only begotten son. God loves you. And so if you are turning on yourself and treating yourself with contempt or self-rejection or self-hatred, you are in essence turning on God. If God is moving towards you in love and you are moving towards yourself in hate, then you are acting acting against God in your life. And I guarantee you that is not going to work well for you. Secondly, God made you. You've probably heard the expression, God made you and you don't make junk, right? It it's true. I mean, it's it's cliche, but it's true. God made you. You are fashioned by him. David writes in his Psalms that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, he says in that same Psalm, Psalm 139, that God, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I am your handiwork, God. And so when you are turning against yourself, treating yourself with contempt, hating on yourself because of an area of struggle or difficulty, you are actually insulting God's handiwork. You uh in in Genesis uh two, it is not until after God has created man and woman that He that the scriptures say that now all of creation, that which was good before, now it is very good. Brothers and sisters, you are part of God's very good creation. Do you have sin in your life? Yep. You struggle? Yep. But please don't turn that into self-hatred. All right, next. Next, um uh other other problem, next problem with why self-hatred doesn't work. Um you treat with disdain that which you disdain. You treat with disdain that which you disdain. If you hate something, you're gonna hurt that something. Recognize that? You hate something, you're gonna hurt with something. So let's say you, you know, you you got a um uh an old car and it keeps breaking down on you. Eventually you're gonna stop, you're gonna start hating that car. You're gonna start treating it badly. You're gonna leave trash in the floor of that car, you're gonna, you're not gonna get it washed, you're gonna, you're gonna treat it badly. If you hate yourself or there's self-hatred within you, even to a degree, you're you're gonna treat yourself accordingly, and that's gonna work out against you. In fact, that's one of the reasons that you are stuck acting out. One of the reasons you keep going back to your sexual acting out, treating yourself badly in that regard, is because you're carrying self-hatred towards yourself. Do you see how it's a cycle that way? You're acting out, it develops self-hatred, it nourishes self-hatred in you, and so you treat yourself badly. You act out, and that produces more self-hatred in you, and it just gets worse and worse and worse. Um, so self-hatred works against your recovery in that way. Number four, no one invests in that which they despise. You don't invest in that which you despise. You invest in, you put time and energy and resources towards that which you love. You give your best to that which you love most. You give your best to that which you love most. Think about some prize. Let's talk about a car again. Maybe you've got a car in your life and you love this car, you wash it every week, you make sure you don't leave trash in it, you bring it in for tune-ups or you're tune it up yourself. You never miss an oil change. And if something's creaking or going wrong in it, you're quick to respond and take care of it. You give your best to that which you love and value most. And you need to love, you need your best in the in the journey towards recovery, because recovery is hard work. It requires dedication and endurance and time and energy and sometimes resources. And if I could put it, let me let me highlight this before you again. This is how God treats you. He loves you, he cherishes you. He gave his best for you. How? In Jesus. The Father gave the Son, whom He loves for you. He doesn't despise the Son. The Son is the best of the best of the best of the best. He is the He is the ultimate human, and He gave His only begotten Son for you. Why? Because you are worth so much. He loves you so much. So follow His lead, do as He does. Number five, you withhold good from that which you hate. So you're gonna refuse and resist God's mercy and God's love for you if you have self-hatred. I know this was so true for me in my own sexual recovery journey when God began pouring out his forgiveness and his love right in the places where I needed them most, right in the places where I needed the most. When he started pointing out the good things in my in my recovery, even when I was failing, when he started pointing out the good in my sexuality, even when I was still just gripped by sexual sin, I resisted those things initially. Why? Because I had self-hatred. I was I had turned on those parts of myself. Brothers and sisters, the parts of you that you turn on, the parts of you are the parts that need God's gifts the most, need good the most, need you to allow access to God's forgiveness, mercy, love, grace, compassion, joy. Um, those are the places that need more honor than you've been giving. So please, please, please, instead of that, instead of self-hatred, renounce self-hatred. And let me put it this way uh you need to be a follower of Jesus. Follow Jesus. Now I know you're thinking, well, I've been trying to follow Jesus, the area of my sexuality. Okay, so begin by following Jesus, is following Jesus and how he treats sinners. Right? What's the area of your life that is most sinful? Follow Jesus there. And initially I mean this: do as Jesus did there. Jesus loved sinners, he pursued sinners, he spent time with sinners, he listened to sinners, he called sinners to be close to him. Let those parts of you that are most sinful draw near to Jesus because you are his follower and he will welcome you there. So you're struggling with sexual sin and you want to be a follower of Jesus in the area of your sexuality, begin by being a follower of Jesus by letting him be close to those areas that are most sinful. And it includes your your failures, your flaws, your sins. Um don't run from him there. I I one of my one of my heroes of the faith is Brother Lawrence. He was a, I don't know I can't remember when he lived, 15th, 16th century, 14th century. I'm not getting that all wrong. But in any case, one of the things he he would say in the areas of his flaws and his sins, he would accept them, not as inevitable in his life, but he would turn towards the Lord and talk to him about it. He just had honest conversations about his flaws and failures. Lord, I did it again. There it is again. And he would not have any reproach or self-hatred, he wouldn't beat himself up for it. He would just say, Lord, there it is again. And Lord, I'm gonna continue to do that, I know, uh, until you heal me, unless you heal me. He wasn't shaking a fist at God about that. He was just having a conversation with God about it, being frank. And that's that there was no hint of self-hatred. Beautiful way to approach your struggles. Um, Jesus accepts you with all your flaws. Uh and he continues, even in your flaws and your failures, to see God's original design in you. And as you spend time with him and invite him and accept his invitation to you to bring those parts of yourself to him, he's gonna show you the good that's that's even in there. So let him do that. Spend time with Jesus in those spaces. Um recently I was I was dealing with some shame in my life, uh, not in the in the realm of sexual sin, but in in some places in my relationship, particularly my relationship with my wife, where I was really failing. And I just felt, man, I I don't have any respect for myself here. I don't know how she's gonna respect me. I just, I was really despairing. It was really a hard, hard season. And there's a point where God, I was talking to God about it, and uh he he kind of highlighted for me how a farmer who hates his land, or a farmer who doesn't, who feels so bad about himself won't nurture his land. And he gave me this picture, and it was a really beautiful picture of this this kind of barren field, this farmland that wasn't, it didn't have any crops in it, maybe even had a couple, um, some weeds kicking up out of it. And he and he was highlighting for me like the farmer needs to love that dirt. He needs to love that dirt. And I started thinking about that dirt, that dirt that has underneath it richer, more moist soil. That dirt that if you go down and down and down has has worms and bugs and beetles crawling in it that are nurturing that soil. And you go down even farther and it's to get to the center of the earth, it's all a part of one fabric. This dirt. And and in this dirt, there's a mystery. I'm not an an I don't know agriculture, so I don't I don't know the terms or how this happens, but there's mystery in that dirt because somehow that dirt has within itself nutrients that if you add seed and light and water to it, things will grow from it. So that dirt, that dirt field that doesn't look like it has anything of worth, God cherishes, he values, he sees its potential. And that's an invitation. That was God's invitation to me to care for those places in me that seemed barren and and like they were, you know, instead of instead of turning towards self-hatred and beating myself up and despairing, he was inviting me to love that soil. So, brothers and sisters, don't turn towards self-hatred. Instead, let Jesus come near to those places. That's what you need. All right, let's move on to self-pity, because likewise, self-pity can be a really sneaky area for people. It can feel like one of those things that is natural, it makes sense. So here's an example of how self-pity can sneak in. Uh, for those of you who have been have spent any good amount of time in in in recovery, one of the things you've inevitably done is taken a look at your childhood, like even beginning with where did my unwanted sexual behaviors begin? Middle school? Well, what was going on for you in middle school? How did you find the content of the material? For some of you, there was maybe an older peer who was paying attention to you, and that that fondness, that affection turned into a sexual relationship. Well, that wasn't your fault. You you were longing for affection, and the older peer approached you. Um, and maybe it was even, depending on the the power dynamic, maybe it was it was even sexual abuse. And they may have made you think that you were volunteering, volunteering in there, but that power differential wasn't your fault. So as you're discovering those things, um, you're like, wait, that wasn't my fault. And you begin to feel sad about that. For others of you, you begin to recognize that that maybe your early exposure to pornography was something that was uh in your house, or there's a lack of appropriate adult monitoring of your devices. Well, that also wasn't your fault. Those things are powerful. Sex is powerful, nudity is powerful. And so as a little kid, without the the executive functioning or the wherewithal to know what you were doing, you stumbled into something and there weren't adults to help you, that wasn't your fault. And that creates some sadness for you. Um maybe for others of you, you're you've begun to recognize and connect some dots between some abuses or neglect in your family, maybe an absent parent in your family, maybe an angry parent in your family, maybe a parent who whose emotions were big and large, and and everybody else's emotions didn't get the airplay that that parent's emotions got. Um maybe your parents had their own addictions and those wounded you. So you're beginning to connect dots between the unwanted sexual behavior that you've become addicted to and some of these early experiences. Any of you who have done some fantasy framework work with us or story work with us or others, you you might also recognize, like, yeah, I know even some of the specific things that I'm drawn to, and I can connect the dots between those and some very specific wounds or experiences I had when I was a kid. So the sadness that you feel is a right response. The grief that you feel as you experience that is a right response. But one of the sneaky things about self-pity is that sadness and grief can morph into self-pity, where it becomes almost this soothing place. We recognize the sadness, the grief on some level, our tears can be soothing. We might even get some attention from others around those things where they feel compassion for us and they begin to soothe us. And they're meeting us in some of those places that are really, really raw and painful. And that's a wonderful thing. But we're not meant to stay there. Self-pity is that is kind of when that sadness, we become tempted by that sadness to just stay in that space because we hadn't received comfort there before. We hadn't been soothed there before. We hadn't received loving and compassionate and soothing attention from others there before. And so now that we do, we're tempted to stay in that space. We want their soothing, we want that attention. Now the wanting their attention, wanting soothing, wanting to feel comforted in those spaces, that's really good. You need that. But the self-pity, the temptation of self-pity is this is the only way you get it. The only way you get this kind of connection, the only way you feel better is by staying in this space of sadness and grief. So it's self-pity is a refusal to let go of the sadness and grief, or maybe a refusal to move beyond it, to work through it to a better place. The other way that self-pity can sneak in there is if you if you're you're recognizing the connections between your present-day unwanted sexual behavior and your past wounds, uh, self-pity can sneak in and say, well, it wasn't my fault. So I'm having to go through all this work, I'm having to do, I'm having to go to group, I'm having to pour out my resources, I'm having to confess things and feel humiliated about what I'm doing. I'm I'm feeling terrible with myself, and all of this because of what somebody else did to me or what somebody else failed me in when I was a kid, that's a version of self-pity. Now, anger can be a natural response to those wounds for sure. It's a part of grief. Anger is a part of the grieving process. But again, self-pity is sneaking that kind of gets its hooks in there and insists that you stay. You don't need self-pity. What you need is self-compassion. So it's a mistake to give in to self-pity, but you do need self-compassion. So it may help to just recognize some of the differences between self-pity and self-compassion. Let me highlight those for you here. Um, self-pity, well, let me let me actually let me start with this. Let me start by by helping you recognize how self-pity is destructive and how it keeps how it keeps you stuck in your unwanted sexual behavior. First of all, it actually where it where it gives you initially, where sadness and grief gives you connection, self-pity actually cuts you off from the connections you need. And it may not feel like it does at first, but it actually cuts you off from being a part of the community and a part of the friendships that you so desire and that you need in your recovery journey. If you want to grow in sexual integrity, you need community. You need a recovery community. You need other friends, you need loved ones who are in this with you. You need friendships of people who are walking with you. And in life in general, you need friendships, you need loved ones. They don't even need to be in your recovery community, but you need those kinds of connections. Self-pity actually cuts you off from those connections. And here's how: in two ways. Number one, it doesn't give you friends because the people who are pitying you are not your equals. They're, they've got, there's a not a there's a power differential there, right? And at first, there really may be. They they may have what you don't have. They may be healers, they may be counselors, they may be further along in the journey. But if you stay stuck in self-pity, that power differential remains there. Um, they're not your friends, they're not allies on the journey as much as they are the they're the caretakers and you're the one being cared for. They're the ones who are able, and you're the one who's not able, you're disabled. They're the provider and you're the needy one who doesn't have what what they have. Do you see that? Um that's not the way it works with compassion. That's not the way the way it works with self-compassion. I'll get to that in a minute. But the second way that it cuts you off from community and friendships is that eventually others in your community, other, others who could be friends, others who could be allies, they honestly begin to get a little tired of the power differential. They they begin to get tired of always pouring in where you're not pouring into them, where you're where it's not an interdependent relationship, it's a dependent relationship. And if they're healthy, they're gonna begin to draw some boundaries and say, yeah, no, I actually can't spend time with you tonight. I'm I'm going out with some friends. And this begins to be a cycle where it just spirals, spirals downward. Because when you experience that, the self-pity just grows all the more. Do you hear how it spirals downward? And that's the second reason. So the first is it cuts you off from real friendships and from those kind of interdependent, co-equal friendships and relationships. Second is that it spirals downward, it becomes self-fulfilling. So self-pity says something like, you know, uh my life stinks and and it always has. And now people that you wish were your friends wish were reaching out to you, aren't reaching out to you. And you're like, look, see, my life stinks now too. And it's just it just spirals in that way. Um, and that self-pity becomes now not just something that you're experiencing, it becomes an identity issue. You recognize that? My life stinks. What's wrong with me? How come this keeps happening to me? This is must be all about me. And that is definitely not the trajectory, you trajectory you want when you're trying to deal to break free from unwanted sexual behaviors because now you're thinking like this just must be me. I've experienced this in recovery with people, and man, like there's they're continuing to do their unwanted sexual behaviors, and you hear it come out like, what's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? It's about me, me, me, me, me. Um the evidence is in the problem must be me. This is what self-pity leads to. And you notice it creates some of the same issues that self-hatred creates. Like, right, you don't invest. If you, if, if you're the problem, you're not going to invest in the problem. You invest in solutions, you invest in things that mean something, you invest in things of worth. But self-pity makes you think you're not worth that much. And it creates the environment and that's that self-fulfilling prophecy that makes you think you're not worth that much. And then you're likely to stop investing in yourself. You may also stop investing in yourself because if you the only way you've known to connect with people is them caring for you, them pitying you, and maybe you've even got unhealthy people in your life who are just kind of continue to pour in and pour in and pour in and never call you on the self-pity. Um, if that's the only way you've known to get that kind of soothing and that kind of attention, you may not want to give up your unwanted sexual behaviors. You may not want to give up your wounds. You may not want to heal because that's all you've ever known. You don't need that, you need self-compassion. Um, self-compassion is different. So where self-pity is uh is uh has that power differential where a person's over you and they're always pouring into you. Self-compassion recognizes, yeah, I you know what? I I need compassion in this area of my life, and so I'm gonna receive it in this area of my life, but that's not all that I am. Am I going to want a sexual behavior? That's not all that I am. What happened to me when I was a kid? That's not all that I am. Self-compassion recognizes that even while you're receiving help from someone else, you have good to give. So maybe not in your in a coaching or therapy relationship. Maybe there's that, you know, that there's a you're not buddies, you don't hang out, but but can you help out someone who's not as far along as you on the journey? Can you care and listen for them a bit without making it about you? Are there kids in your life that you can pour into? Is there someone else in your neighborhood that you can give some time and attention to? Self-compassion allows for that where self-pity won't. Secondly, um, self-pity is identity-based, or at least it becomes identity-based. This is all about me. I'm the problem here. My life is worthless. Um, self-compassion is circumstance or situation based, right? So self-pity says, like, my life stinks. This is, you know, I'm destined for this. It must be about me. I just seem to attract problems. Self-compassion says, what happened to me is where I need compassion. Uh, it's not, it's not because of me that I need compassion, it's what happened to me. It's not me that needs compassion, or it's not because of me that I need compassion, it's because of what I'm struggling with. The addiction that's developed in my life that I need compassion, the sins that I'm captive to. That's why I need compassion. Where self-pity says, you know, it's it's me. I'm the I'm the reason I need compassion. I'm the one the reason I need pity, I mean. Um, next, self-pity is uh permanent. It has a permanent perspective. It's despairing, like it's always going to be this way. Self-compassion recognizes this is for a season. I give myself compassion as I'm walking through this recovery. I give myself compassion as I'm healing from these wounds. I give myself compassion in these areas. And by compassion I mean grace, tenderness, attention. But self-pity wants to stay there. So it's inevitable. It's chronic. And the person who's stuck in self-pity becomes chronically unique. They're the only one. They're the unique few that that need this situation, this that these troubles befall. Um, next, self-pity is uh says this is this burden is too much for me, and so I need pity. And I need I need accommodation. I need you to give me a break. Uh I need you to give me attention you don't give everybody else. I need more attention than everybody else. That's what self-pity says. Self-compassion says this burden is too much for me, right now at least, and so I need help. I need help. Um, and and that's okay. So, again, thinking about the brother Lawrence idea of Lord, here I am, and I'm always gonna be this way unless you help me. Brother Lawrence also practiced God's presence and he made it a practice to keep at it over and over again. He said, We must continually apply ourselves to practicing God's presence. He was willing to work. He's like, God, I need your help. I'm always gonna be this way unless you help me. And so he was a pursuer of God. Self-pity will say, God, I'm always gonna be this way unless you change me. But then the person turns their back on God, resists God. Um, you see the difference? Okay. So again, what what do I prescribe? Follow Jesus. Follow Jesus. And if you're struggling to follow Jesus in the area of your sexual conduct, begin by following Jesus by receiving his compassion. Not his um his pitying you as some kind of in a unique way, but his compassion upon your struggles, his compassion upon your sin, his compassion is you one who's one who's stuck, his compassion over you because of what happened to you when you were a kid that wasn't your fault. Jesus readily offers you compassion, forgiveness, but he also holds you responsible. Jesus died on the cross not because we were uh not just because we were sinners, but because he wanted to free us from our sin. And he holds us responsible for that. This is why in the Christian tradition we confess our sins, not as those who are self-pitying who go, like, yeah, I still struggle with this, you know, it's just who I am. Like, but rather as those who say, Lord, there's a lot that contributed to how I got into this mess in the first place, but I'm responsible for my choices today. I'm responsible to receive your grace, I'm responsible to pursue your help. And so forgive me. Forgive me, Lord, for my sexual sin. I confess it to you, it was wrong. And Lord, also forgive me for my self-pity. That too is wrong. And by the way, brothers and sisters, you struggle with sexual sin and it's hard to get rid of on your own. Well, guess what? Self-pity, self-hatred, these are also things that are really hard to stop on your own. Jesus didn't just come to you save you from your sexual sin. He came to save you also from self-hatred and from self-pity. And the way they get a hold and a grip and on you, and they're and they're hard to let go of. You need help getting freedom from unwanted sexual behavior. You also likely need help getting rid of your self-hatred and self-pity. You know what? That doesn't make you chronically unique. It makes you like so many of the rest of us of us. Like I said, many of us slip into these sneaky patterns in recovery, and even those who help others can sneak into these patterns. You are not alone in this, you are not chronically unique. Um, seek help for these things, seek Jesus for these things. Jesus knows the trap they are, and he is so, so willing to help you. I think here of um some of the characters in the Gospels who had self hatred. They despised themselves, they did not think highly of themselves. I think here also of some who had self pity and they thought they were stuck and there was nothing they can do, and they were always going to be that way. And Jesus lovingly moved towards both of them. So if you recognize Recognize these in yourself. Don't put up with them. Don't coddle those two things, but also know that Jesus moves right towards you with them. So, practically speaking, renounce self-hatred. In Jesus' name, I renounce self-hatred. I refuse to hate myself for my struggles. Instead, I receive God's love and mercy. In the name of Jesus, I renounce self-pity. I am not inevitably stuck in this, and my life is not inevitably worse than everybody else. I am a person among other people. Yes, I may have some unique issues that others don't. I may not know anyone who struggles like I do, but God has gifted me and He loves me, and I'm a member of His body just like everybody else is. So I renounce self-pity and instead I receive God's compassion and I choose to give myself compassion as I move towards Him and wholeness responsibly. So, and final thing, brothers and sisters, if you find you're struggling with these things and you need some more help, we are here to help. We've got individual coaching, we've got groups. Check out our events page. We may have some things coming up. We'd love for you to be a part of those things as well. God bless you.