You’re Seeking the One Seeking You

Shame has a way of pushing us into the hottest part of the day, alone, doing life where no one can see us. That’s why John 4 hits so hard for anyone carrying sexual brokenness, porn use, compulsive fantasy, secret hookups, or a past that still stings. We walk through Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman and pay attention to the details that reveal His heart: He goes where others won’t go, He initiates conversation, and He starts with a humble request for a drink.

We talk about isolation and defensiveness as survival strategies, and the way Jesus takes the lower place in their dialogue. Instead of shaming her, he offers “living water” that speaks to the deeper thirst beneath every substitute. When Jesus asks her to call her husband, we slow down and ask why: not to mock, not to expose her publicly, but to bring her full story into the light so nothing stands between them. Love can’t fully reach a version of us that is still hiding.

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Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Transcript

Welcome And Why John 4

Josh 0:18

Hey friends. Welcome back. Hey, so today for the podcast, it's just me in the studio. Uh, I wanna share some things I've been sharing from, uh, a passage of scripture that's really been speaking to me about the kind of ministry that I hope to be offering here at Regeneration that I want our team to be offering. I know we all aspire to, but it's really, it's a, it's a, it's a deep dive into looking at how Jesus ministers to the sexually broken. And it's a, it's a, it's from a story that's probably familiar to you. But I want to dig into it anyway, and I hope it blesses you. Uh, I know that as I've been looking into it, I find that there's invitation in here for me. I find something pulling in my own heart toward Jesus in response to Jesus in this story. And I know that John records this story for a reason. It's not just for 2000 years ago. It is for you and for me today, and maybe especially for those of us who wrestle with sexual sin, or those of us who have a sexually broken history or sexually broken. So if that's you, if you resonate with that, then this story is for you. So here's what I'm gonna do. Um, you can read the story yourself in John four, and so I'm not gonna read through the whole thing, but I'm gonna give, um, my little, uh, kind of version of it, uh, and, and pull from it things that I hope Will, will, will sit with you. So if you, if you're not familiar with the story, Jesus is, is traveling with his disciples and, uh, and, and John writes that he had to go through. A village of Samaria, he had to go through Samaria, which is interesting right outta the gates because we recognize that, uh, his historically good pious Jews would often not go through Samaria that'd actually go around one of two ways, either around to the east or around to the west, to avoid going through Samaria, because as John writes here in John four, Jews do not associate with Samaritans. So there's something already that's gonna catch a Jewish reader's eye. Uh, why did he have to go through Samaria and what does that mean about him? So here's in John four. It's the middle of the day. This is the context. He's in the middle of the day. He's hot, he's tired, he's thirsty, he's hungry. So he sits down at this well, while his disciples all leave to go get him something to eat, something to drink. And as he's sitting there, a woman of Samaria. Comes to the well. Now, again, right from the beginning, we have to ask the question, what's she doing there? Then historians would tell us that, uh, women would typically not go to a well to draw water in the middle of the day, in the heat of the day. Why? Well, because it, it means that then they're, one, they're stopping whatever they would be doing in the middle of the day back at their homesteads, but it also means now they're carrying these big jugs or bags or buckets of water from the well back home in the heat of the day, the hottest part of the day, which is not when they would do it. So she's there in the middle of the day, and, and WWW we can infer from what comes in this story that she's there for a reason. Now, let me just give a little spoiler alert here. Uh, Jesus knows everything about this woman that becomes clear in this story. And if you're familiar with the story, you already know what I'm talking about specifically that she's been married five different times and she's now with a man. She's living with a man who is not her husband. So. What's going on here? Well, we can infer that she's there at the middle of the day because she doesn't want the looks, the snes, the comments, maybe the, the ostracization that has been coming from the other women or the other people who would typically gather at the, well, the normal times that people would gather, it's not worth it for her to be there with them anymore. So instead of going and bearing through that, she goes when she can be alone, she travels to the well of the middle of the day. Does the arduous hard thing of going in the middle of the day because it's easier to do that than to endure their scorn. In other words, she's dealing with a deep, deep shame. She's isolated and she's experiencing shame. Now I know that you've been there. I've been there. Places where in us, where we feel like if anybody sees this part of me or maybe they have seen this part of me and I don't want people to see it anymore, I don't want it to be called anymore. I know, I know. I know. It feels like crap. I know this part of me. It's miserable, it's horrible and I don't need other people to see it anymore.'cause I know how other people respond to this part of me. You know what I'm talking about. Part of you like that many of us who've experienced sexual brokenness or who struggle with sexual sin, we know exactly what that feels like. It's horrible, utterly painful. It's better to be alone than to deal with that stuff. Better to be alone. Whenever we find something inside of us saying it's better that I keep that part of me isolated. It's better for me to be alone than have to deal with that. We know that we are in trouble. We know something is seriously wrong. We find that response coming up in us. It's understandable, it's justifiable. I'm not, I'm not scorning this woman for that. I get it. What I'm trying to say is this is a horrible spot for her to be in because back in Genesis two, we recognized that when, when, God, this is before the fall, before there was any sin or shame, before there was any brokenness, when Adam was alone, God said, out of all the very good things in creation, it is not good for man or for humankind to be alone. It's not good for this person to be isolated, to be alone. If that was true, then before the fall, before there was sin, before there was shame, before there was death before there was brokenness in our relationships before all that. It's certainly true now. Certainly true now. So something in her is saying, it's better for me to be alone in the middle of the day at the well than to have to deal with the relationship, the relational collateral and chaos and crud that I receive from other people. She's dealing with immense shame, immense isolation, rejection. And here she comes this well, and you gotta ask the question like, what's it gonna feel like for her to show up at the well and to see that there's a man sitting there? What? What did she feel? What did she think when she showed up at the Well, she wanted to be alone. Oh, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Not today. I don't need to deal with that today. I don't need more of that now. And she might've been able to tell from his dress the way he was dressed, that he was a Jewish man. What's that gonna feel like to her? Because if Jews don't associate with Samaritans, if Jews believe that they're the upper crust and the Samaritans are no better than dogs, then what's it gonna feel like for her to show up and see, oh, it's not just someone, and it's not just a man, it's a Jewish man. Great. So I imagine, again, I'm imagining this, but I imagine she's shown up at the well, and she's seeing this and she's already on the defensive. You know what that's like? Maybe for you, there's a certain person or group in your life. Maybe it's where you go to school. Maybe it's where you go to church. Maybe it's people at your office. Maybe it's people in your family. When you're around them, you just feel smaller and so you enter in already defensive. I think that's probably how she was coming to the wall that day. And interestingly, I think there's also parts of us in our relationship with the Lord where we come in defensive, we come in guarded. We come in ready to keep him away. Kinda a shoulder up, you know, like a little bit like this. Hey Lord, I'm here. But we're really kind of already on the defensive, not because we, we want to be separated from it because we're, we're kind of bracing for impact, if you will. We're we're, we've been trained from our own experiences with other people, that we we're gonna experience something from him that's gonna hurt. It's gonna poke that place of shame. It's gonna embarrass us, humiliate us, make us feel all the worse again. There's actually some therapeutic work I've been doing recently that's, that's helping me to see some places that I've guarded parts of me to keep myself away from others so that I would not be hurt. One way to think about that, she's guarding herself to try to preserve whatever she can of a relationship that's left, so she doesn't have much, but she's at least got this guy at home, you know, she's got somebody. If he's willing to live with her and not marry her in a context where she's ashamed and everybody in the community SCOs her. He's probably not a great guy, but he's something. He's at least somebody. But look what Jesus does. Look how Jesus responds to her. Look how Jesus interacts with her. She doesn't talk to him. Why? She's on, she's on guard. She's also in this, in this cultural context. She's a woman. It wouldn't be appropriate for her to initiate a conversation with a man. She's a Samaritan, he's a Jew. Jews don't associate with Samaritan, so she's not gonna put herself out to do that, so it makes sense that she would just come and get water and mine her own business. Jesus though, interacts with her, and this is what he says. Verse seven, when from Samari came to the water, came to the well to draw water, and Jesus said to her, give me a drink because his disciples weren't there. Give me a drink. Her response is. How is it that you a Jew ask for a drink from me? A win of Samaria? So again, she's on guard. She's like This, this, I'm, I'm not gonna go there with you. Why are you asking water for me? It's also possible that in some ways she's like thinking he's getting ready to pick a fight or that he's got some malicious intent in opening this conversation, but she's not open and warm to him. You know, she's not underneath, but she points out that he's asking her for water. So, lemme frame it this way, if for her, in that culture to be in relationship with men, if, if, if typically in that culture, at that point, men were viewed kind of higher than women, and Jews were viewed higher than Samaritans, or at least Jews viewed themselves higher than Samaritans. So in, in every way. And, and he's a, a, a rabbi and she's a sinful woman, right? So in, in at least three categories, if not more, he's got the high position. He's got the privilege, he's got the, the backing, he's got the friends, you know, they're gonna be back soon. All, all that stuff. Uh, he's got the higher position and yet, and yet he takes the lower position, he goes to the lower place. He has everything. Everything. She's got not much right, but he, but she has one thing he doesn't have. She's got something to draw water with. She's got access to water and he's thirsty and he leads with that foot, he leads there. He puts himself in the position of the one who needs from someone who has more than he has. Isn't that beautiful? So in what way might the Lord be approaching you today and you're thinking he's just, he's just gonna pick a fight for you. He's gonna, he's, or with you, he's gonna do the same thing everybody else has done, when really what he wants to do. What he's willing to do is even take the lower place asking you for help. And if you think about it, this is actually not the only time in the gospels that Jesus does this. In fact, his whole ministry is, is a huge illustration of this. Jesus is God made flesh. He is the word of God, made flesh. He is one with God and he becomes a human person. He is, according to John one, the creator of all things, including all people, and yet he becomes a human person for their sake. That, I mean in every way. He's, he is. He is higher than we are. Infinitely higher than we are has everything we don't have, has everything we need. We cannot survive without him. And yet he becomes a human person. He takes the lower place and he becomes a servant of us. This is unfathomable, but if you're wrestling with sexual sin, if you're wrestling with sexual brokenness, if you're dealing with shame and you feel a sense of like, I'm not worthy of anything and the best I can do is. Someone who's not so great, or the best I can do is porn, or the best I can do is fantasy and masturbation. Or the best I can do is anonymous hookups. Or the best I can do is is to go to seedy parts of town and connect with people who are just as shameful and bad as me. Whatever it is for you, I, if you think you have to settle, guess what you're gonna find somewhere in your life that God has gone to the lower places to meet you there. Just as he does with this woman. I'm not saying you should intentionally travel to lower places to find him, but if you find yourself feeling like you are the bottom of the barrel, you can look down and you can see somewhere down below you is Jesus looking up at you. He's gone beneath to pick you up, to get you up, to bring you out as he does for this woman here. This is one of the most beautiful illustrations of the humility of God because He loves us, because he loves you, because he loves you. Jesus' response to her when she says this is if you knew the gift of God and who it is saying to you, give me a drink, you would've asked him and he would've given you living water. The woman said to him, sir, you have nothing to draw water with. In the well is deep. Where do you give this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us this well and drank for himself, as did his sons and his livestock. Jesus said to her, everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again and man, if he's not speaking her language there, she knows that. But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will come become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. The woman said, and here I think, I think almost that something in her, even though she's been reluctant and defensive, something in her, she's interacting with this one who seems a bit different maybe already than others she's interacted with. I think something in her is almost like jumping out as he says this, sir, give me this water so I will not have to be thirsty or have to come here to draw water. And I think that line right there. I think that reiterates, I think that confirms some of what we inferred earlier, the idea that she was there and didn't want to be there.'cause it's hard for her to have to come to the, well either in the middle of the day or when everybody else is there and, and to deal with their scorn, give me this water so I won't have to come here anymore. And Jesus says to her, go call your husband and come here. Now. We learn in just a couple verses and she actually says it at the end of this story that he knows everything about her already. Why does he ask this question? Why does he, this is the second question, right? He's first asked her for some water, and now he's asking her to go get her husband, these two requests. Why does he say to her, go get your husband. If he knows that she's not married and she doesn't have a husband, is it to mock her, make fun of her? I mean, I almost wonder if, if in some ways at this point that old trigger of shame kicks up in her and like, ah, I, I felt like I was getting somewhere with this guy. I felt like he might give me something that would help me. Now I'm exposed again. Now he's going to the same place. Now I'm gonna end up in the, in the same situation. I would've, if I'd come here in the morning, he's gonna SCO me, he's gonna reject me. He's gonna turn away from me. If he really is somebody, if he really does have some type of living water that could help me, he's not gonna give it to someone like me. And she responds to him. I have no husband. She can't get out the full truth. Now, some of us have learned that. And some of you even listening, you beat yourself up.'cause you're not telling other people the full truth. You know you're lying. You know you're giving half truths. And I'm not saying it's good to lie. I'm not saying it's good to deceive other people. It's not. But even as I say that, I recognize a lot of people who lie, have reasons they lie. And again, it's wrong to lie. It is wrong to deceive other people. But underneath that I can also feel compassion. When you're experiencing so much shame about what you're doing or what's happened to you or where you've been and you think, if other people find this out, I'm gonna be rejected just the way I was in the past. You have to experience that all over again. If I, if I bring this up, other people are gonna treat me in a certain way and I can't deal with that. Sometimes lying can feel like a survival mechanism. Now, Jesus doesn't leave her there in that half truth. His response to her is, you're right. You have no husband. In fact, you've been married five times and the man that you're now with is not your husband. There it is. He says it all. Now, let's go back to that question. Why did he ask her to go get her husband when he knew? And then when she can't say the whole truth or chooses not to say the whole truth, he names it in front of her. Why does he do that? Is he exposing her? Is he shaming her, or is he putting her up and kind of saying in front of everybody, this is the truth about you? You know, darn, you know you, you deserve judgment. Let's remember the scene as scandalous as it was that Jesus shows up there and it's just him and just her. This is a scandalous scene, and it's weird that he's talking to her and she knows it because he's a Jew. He's a man. He's holy. She's not, she's not, she's not. And on the other hand, he has arranged this private, confidential conversation between just her and just him. So when he names what she's done, it's not in front of anybody else. It's not to ridicule her. It's not to shame her. I think the reason he does this is because he doesn't want anything between them. Remember at the beginning of, of the gospels when there's the great catch of fish? Now Peter, uh, has a great catch of fish with Jesus and he falls down in front of Jesus and says, depart from me, Lord, from a sinful man. I think it's, I think in some ways Jesus is bringing her to that same space I want you. And so it's like he's saying to her, I want you to know that I know everything about you. Why did he ask her to greet her husband?'cause he wants her to bring her full true self to him. He doesn't want anything between them. So that when he offers her living waters, when he offers himself, when he engages in love with her, when he treats her with kindness, he wants her to know it's not, he's not treating some fiction of her with kindness. He's not treating the, the mask she's wearing with kindness. She's not treating the, he's not treating the defensive part of her with kindness. He's not, he's not responding to all the, the deflective mechanisms with kindness, all that she's learned to survive with kindness. Rather he sees beneath all of that stuff, through all that stuff, he knows the truth about her, all the brokenness, all the stuff that she, that that other people see. And scor in her. He sees all of it, and that is the person he's treating with kindness. Now, what about you? What have you been keeping away from other people? What's the truth of your story? What's the truth of your struggle that you've kept, even from people who are most near and dear to you? Jesus wants that stuff in the light because he doesn't want anything between you and him. He wants you to experience not just to know in your head, but to experience an interaction with him, that his love for you is complete. It's full. It's everything. It's all of him. It's all of him. Even in, and maybe even especially because of all the truth about what you've dealt with. Now, the, the story goes on from there. Maybe you need to pause the podcast right there and just sit with that for a minute. Maybe you need to sit in the space of being aware of all the stuff that you bring, all the stuff that you try to contain so that no one else sees it. And sit with that with Jesus and just let him look on that stuff and to look on you in light of that stuff with kindness in his eyes, an unrelenting kindness in his eyes and a love for you. He sees it and he wants it out in the open. Not to shame you, but so that you can experience his love even with that there, and maybe even, especially because that's there and the story goes on from there. I don't know if she deflects here or if there's something, a deeper longing, stirring at her that starts to spill out here. So she, he's just told her the whole, all the truth, and she says, sir, I perceive that you're a prophet. She goes into this, our fathers worship in this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship. Jesus said to her woman, believe me, the hours coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem where you worship the Father you worship. What you do not know, we the Jews worship. What we know for salvation is from the Jews, but the hours coming and is now here where the true worshipers will worship the father in spirit and truth, where the father is seeking such people to worship him. Let's go back what I said at the very beginning of this podcast, Jesus had to, John writes that Jesus had to go through Samaria. Why? Because he was in a hurry. I don't think so.'cause he couldn't go around. I don't think so. Why did he have to go through Samaria? Because the father told him to. Because the father is seeking people like this to worship him. Like what? Like her. Her, he's seeking true worshipers like her. Wait, wait. How is she a true worshiper? She's been married five times and now she's with someone who's not her husband. Hold on. The story's going, there she goes. He goes on. God is spirit and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. The woman said to him. I know that Messiah is coming. He who is called Christ. When he comes, he will tell us all things. So again, I said, I dunno if she's kind of like deflecting and saying, Hey, I wanna get away from the sensitivity of talking about me and, and my sin or something deeper is being stirred up in her. It's possible that this whole conversation about, like you Jews say we can't worship here, but we used to, and now I know the Messiah's coming. He'll explain it. Is it possible that part of what's getting stirred in her, even if she doesn't understand why, is. I want God, I want to worship God. I want Messiah. I don't want to be on the outside anymore. I want to be on the inside. I think some of that's happening in her in this moment. She wants a deeper water in what she's experienced in this community that's rejecting her and even the physical water of the of the well. And Jesus said to her, I who speak to you? Am He what? A couple things about this. Number one, this is the first time in the Gospel of John that Jesus reveals to someone and write out, write straight out that he's the Messiah. It's the first time in the book of John who did he choose to reveal himself to? Who did he choose to open up and, and reveal it all to? This is who I am, this woman. Remember what I said a minute ago in this confidential, private place that he's orchestrated to be with her, he brings the full truth of her. Out in front of her, beginning with the full truth of her sin, and he res responds in kind. This has been true about you. This is true about me. He, he invites her to share the fullness of who she is, and he reveals the fullness of who he is, of who he is. This is an image of, of, of, of it's marriage imagery. It is a I. He's creating a space where, where he desires for her to be naked and unashamed in this relational context. And he is exposing himself, bride, groom and bride. What is true about us? Let's get it on the table. I want to know and see you. I do. I know and see you. And he's saying to her, and he's saying to her, and this is me. He is the bride girl. He's the one she's pursuing. The one she's been looking after, why she's bubbling up with these thoughts of God and thoughts of Messiah. Again, she's been looking for him. Now, I owe this next thought to Christopher West, this beautiful reality in this passage. She's been married five times. Five times. Now, in this context, we, we don't know if she's left those five men or if they've left her. Historically, it's, it may be more likely that they've all left her meaning they've used her. Been done with her, discarded her, and now she's with someone who's not even her husband. And it's possible that, again, she, it's, she's the woman. It's harder for her to find work and to, and to, and make her way in a male dominated culture. So it's possible she's kind of hitched her wagon to some bum, some less than stellar guy who won't even marry her because why would he marry her? She's been married five times. She's kind of not worth that much. So that's six men. Five men before and now this man, but there's a seventh and she meets the seventh. Jesus at the well and in scriptures, old and New Testament. The number seven is the number for completeness, the number for perfection. The father is seeking true worshipers who worship him in spirit and in truth. What has she been looking for all this time and those five other men in this man she's with now? What has she been looking for in coming to the well by herself all this time? What has she been looking for in, in guarding against people, ridiculing and mocking her? What has she been looking for in hiding her sin and her shame and her abuses? What has she been looking for him? The living water that will bubble up in her to eternal life. She's been looking for him in just all the wrong places. He's the seventh. He's the perfection. He's the bridegroom. He's the love that she has been looking for. And guess what? She's been looking for him in all the wrong places. But as Jesus said, the father is seeking those who will worship him. The father has been seeking her. And who is she? Well, she's known herself to be an immoral woman, an outcast, someone who has to settle, someone who has to go to the well in the middle of the day. But Jesus is not just revealing her sin to her, her broken past to her, her wounds to her. He's also revealing something else about her. You are a true worshiper. You are made to experience this interaction. Remember, she's the first one he discloses himself to. She's a sexual sinner. Yeah, I guess so. She's sexually broken? Yeah, I guess so. But God sees in her searching that she is searching for him, and that's what he seeks to draw out more than water from the well. He wants to draw her out. He wants to be in a relationship with her. You see the beauty of this engagement. You see the way that the Lord may be seeking you? What's popping in this story and how he's seeking you? How do you relate with her in the story? How does your own shame story, your own mis being misused, uh, part of your story or, or being rejected or scorned by a husband or, or a beloved one, maybe a parent? How does your own sexual sin, your own shame? How does it pop in this story? And in what way is the Lord taking the lower spot because he's pursuing, he's seeking you. He's the perfection of all the faulty things you've been looking for. Lemme close with this. The Lord knows your story. I don't. I know I don't, but he does. Just as he knows her story and he's not leaving you alone in those places where others have isolated you and ostracized you, he's not leaving you alone in your addictions of sin. Whatever the cycles are that you've been going back to and back to and back to, he's there. You can find him there. In the midst of your addictions, in the midst of your man, the desire to go back to the sexual sins over and over again. In the, in the space of like going back to the places you know are not good for you. Cry out to him there. He's there. And listen, friends, you don't have to do this alone. This dear woman, after this encounter with Jesus, goes back into the town running, telling them, Hey, he knows everything about me. Something's lifting off of her in her shame. Jesus is not just restoring her for connection with him, although he's doing that first and foremost, he's restoring her. That she could be again, connected to other people and in that whole town, remain in that town, come to believe in him because of her. This is our God. This is the one pursuing you. Friends, Jesus, help us to find you in those places. First, expose to us the pla, the ways that we are hiding from you, the ways that we are keeping ourselves shut down from you, our own sin that we think we need to hide. Would you expose it to us, Lord, that it would be on the table between us. Would you show us your face of kindness looking at us? Would you help us to trust you, Lord, with who we are, and hear from you who you say we are? Lord, I pray for any listener right now who believes themselves to be something less when you see in them that they are a true worshiper who's just been seeking you in all the wrong places, or would you turn their gaze up from the things they've been looking at to behold you. I ask this in your name, Jesus, for their good, for your joy, for your glory now and forever. I pray at Jesus. Amen. Thanks friends. Good to be with you today.