Struggle vs. Addiction

A single word can change what someone believes about themselves. “Addiction.” “Trauma.” “Struggle.”  James Craig and therapist Blake Brinkman talk honestly about why certain terms can shut people down, especially when they carry cultural baggage, and how a simpler word like struggle can sometimes open the door to truth, humility, and real support.

We also get specific about sexual brokenness and pornography addiction, including why compulsive porn use can function like a process addiction even without a substance. When you understand the cycle and what’s happening in the brain, it becomes easier to pursue the right kind of care instead of trying to white-knuckle change. From there, we move into one of the most important tensions in Christian recovery: naming reality without letting a label become your identity. We respect programs that help people confess what’s true, while also holding tight to a deeper foundation: you are not a diagnosis; you are a beloved son or daughter invited into sanctification.

If you’re a pastor trying to shepherd well, a spouse processing betrayal wounds, or someone tired of repeating the same cycle, you’ll walk away with clearer language and a more hopeful map forward. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the help they’ve been avoiding.

Resources from this episode:

Addiction Cycle Worksheet

Manna

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Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole:

👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Transcript

James 0:18

Should I call my struggle an addiction? Should I say that I've been traumatized by my spouse's sexual sin that I just found out about? How should I label my child's behaviors? Today we're gonna unpack how to think about labels,

The Big Questions About Labels

James 0:36

and even more importantly, how to seek support that matches the reality of a situation. Whether you're sh- listening, struggling with sexual sin, the impacts of betrayal, parenting kids, or even you're a pastor trying to best shepherd all of the above. I'm James Craig, Director of Projects, Spiritual Coach here at Regen. I'm joined today by my esteemed colleague, Blake Brinkman, who works at Regen, but also as a therapist, uh, who's Blake, you're seeking your licensure in the great city of New York. Is that right?

Blake 1:08

That's right. Yes, sir.

James 1:10

What's your technical therapist label? Like, what would be the letters behind your name?

Blake 1:15

Mental health counselor, MHC.

James 1:18

MHC. Okay. Very cool. Well, Blake, uh, we have a question from a pastor who wrote in to us about labels. Aren't labels, like addiction or even trauma, kind of unhelpful? You know, I'm especially imagining speaking from the pulpit. I'm also imagining, Blake, some people will be listening to this podcast thinking, how do I support these messed up people in my life? Hopefully not actually thinking that, right, but how do I, how do I walk with people, right? So should pastors, should, should helpers, should just followers of Jesus who are trying to walk with the body of Christ be doling out what sound like technical labels? Mm. Or should maybe they use lighter things like struggles, wounds? Like, how do we think about this idea of labels?

Blake 2:02

Mm. It, it's such a good question, and I really love the, the conversation. Mm. 'Cause I think a lot of times it, it can be unhelpful.

James 2:13

Mm.

Blake 2:13

And mostly I think that comes back to so much of the, the stigma and attachment to even the word

Why “Addiction” Can Trigger Shame

Blake 2:20

addiction.

James 2:21

Oh,

Blake 2:22

yeah. A lot of people see and hear the word addiction, and an immediate image or person or place kind of pops into their head, and the immediate reaction is almost resistance and shame of, "Well, that's not me. That, that, that couldn't be me. I'm not like this. I'm not like that." Mm. And there's this distance created from whatever may be actually happening in, in the forefront right now. And so, uh, for me, I've, I've noticed that a lot with teenagers, with parents, is this addiction can almost feel scary, and I think it, it takes us- Oh, yeah. You're calling my

James 2:59

child an addict? They're only two years old. Right. What are you saying, man?

Blake 3:03

Yeah, absolutely. And there, there can be and there's, we run into a little bit of defining terms, right? Of the way we define addiction might be very different than how another group defines addiction. And so there can just be a lot of kind of unmint baggage around it. Yeah. That's why I think struggle can often be a, a more helpful term, because- It, we all struggle, right? We, we're all struggling. We're all, uh, going through something, and when the threshold of struggle turns into addiction is pretty murky, right? And it's hard to define. Yeah. And so more so we can kind of ground ourselves in this idea of struggle, and that is And I have no problem with addiction, right? I myself was an addict for many, many years. And many are gonna find it hard to be received into the conversation with a potential addict label or something of that nature. Yeah.

James 4:07

Well, Blake, it's also complicated because our typical image of an addict is a substance, um, someone struggling with substance abuse. Mm-hmm. Right? Uh-

Blake 4:16

That's right

James 4:16

these are called substance addictions. These are called, uh, these are external addictions, things that you're putting into the body in that sense. What's complicated about sexual

Process Addiction And The Brain

James 4:25

brokenness, specifically habitual, let's say, porn and masturbation use or, or even habitual sex with those who are not our, our spouse- th- these aren't, these aren't substances. I'm not taking something in. They're what is labeled as a process addiction, so actually gambling is one of the chief examples in this category where we're addicted to a process. What makes this struggle so hard, though, and what makes sometimes the label of addiction kind of helpful, is so much is happening in our bodies neurochemically. Mm. And so I, I actually remember, Blake, um, when I was being, uh, certified as a pastoral sexual addiction professional, we had a, a doctorate of psychology come and speak to us, strong Christian man. Mm. And he talked about how the three parts of the brain that are lit up are akin to the three major drug categories. I, I remember one- Mm was the imagination part. When we, when it comes to, you know, habitual sexual, let's just say pornography use, there's, it lights up the same thing that a drug like LSD does. I'm not saying to the same extent. I'm not saying there aren't differences when it's external versus internal, but that part's lit up. The pleasure part is lit up, and there was a third part as well that you might even remember, Blake. But my point here is, like, it can be hard to recognize this process, this i- kind of some mostly internal process where the chemicals are all internal. It's not what I think of when I think of addiction.

Blake 5:50

Right. Well, and I think you're putting such a, a point on it here of it, it can On, on the other hand, it can be really helpful, especially if we can kind of separate it from the internal shame of- Mm-hmm. Okay it's not so much that I'm, I'm an addict, that there's something wrong with me. It's that, uh, my brain may be going through the process of addiction, right? Okay. And now I can, I can learn all sorts of helpful elements that you just listed of what's actually happening in my brain, why I'm drawn to this. What, what are my motivating factors? Why do I keep coming back to this when I don't want to so badly? There, there can be a lot of help to it as long as we're digging in and helping to understand, like, th- this is not a core identity piece of who you are. Mm-hmm. You are not an addict. You are a beloved son or daughter of Christ, and this is a sin, a struggle, and maybe it's gotten to a point of development that it could be called an addiction, but that's not the core of who you are.

James 6:59

Well, that's such an important thing for us here at Regen. We have so much respect for 12 step groups like AA, right? And actually- Mm there's, you know, many guys that will come into me for coaching around sexual issues that have done AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, or NA, Narcotics Anonymous, in their past. Um- And

Identity In Christ Over Labels

James 7:17

th- there's a, what, from what I've heard, I've never actually done a 12-step group, Blake, but what I've heard is y- you kind of start out like, "I'm so-and-so, and I'm an alcoholic."

Blake 7:27

Mm-hmm.

James 7:27

And we have a lot of respect for that, 'cause what you're doing is you're naming a, a present reality or, or a, uh, a tendency even of, uh, I could go down this path even if I haven't touched a drink in 10 years. And at ReGen, we also care a lot about the fact that when we are labeling ourselves as, let's just say, a sex addict, and let's just say I'm 20 years away from pornography and I'm calling myself a sex addict, the issue with that is it can actually, in our view, theologically get in some of the way of that deeper identity that you mentioned, Blake. Mm-hmm. I'm a son of God most high. That's my fundamental identity as a Christian. Um, and even- Yeah if I wasn't a Christian, I'm made in the image of God, and hopefully that would be part of someone's journey toward Christianity or toward Jesus. But, like, but there's something more fundamental about who God says we are in that regard. And sometimes- Right if a guy comes in and he's actually fully taken on the addictive label, right, he's in Awaken and he's just, "I'm super comfortable, I'm an addict, that's why I'm here," there can actually be a little bit of an impediment to actually- Mm this is who I truly am. I'm actually a son of God, and out of my identity in Christ, it's not, this isn't normal. This isn't, this isn't who I will be forever. Like, I, I'm actually- Right a man who looks at women with love. That's a different- Mm identity-type statement. Because of Christ in me, I'm a man who looks at women with love. And I've heard that in my own life and in other men I've walked with in Awaken, for example, for that to be a turning point, where I went from I'm a, a wretched sinner as my primary identity. I'm not saying we don't all still struggle with sin, and some, some of us are in wretched places. We're in miserable places. And yet, it, when that's my fundamental identity, it, then it just makes sense for the rest of my life to be back and forth with this struggle, as opposed to-

Blake 9:15

Mm

James 9:16

seeing some development, some change.

Blake 9:20

That is so true. A- absolutely, and that's why I think it can be helpful to, uh, cultivate the conversation in exactly what you're talking about of when, when we're going through a struggle or even if we called it we're going through addiction, what really is the goal? And when we have kind of that identity piece of, "Well, I'm an addict," the goal is stop being an addict, right? I just need to cut down the behavior. I need to white-knuckle it. I need to stop it, right? And something we believe so fully at Region is that the goal isn't necessarily to stop the addiction. Sure, that's a piece of it. That's a byproduct, but the goal is this maturity in Christ, this maturity in the gospel- Yeah that I'm growing more and more into this fullness of identity of who I am as a son and daughter of God.

James 10:12

Yeah. Yeah, I, I think to pull on something you said earlier, addiction is kind of something I do. It's not ultimately who I am. Blake, in- Mm-hmm in Awaken, we do, specifically in the strength module, which is the... If, if you're joining one of our Regen Run groups, it'll be what you'd go through October through December, the, these 12 weeks we go through the strength module. We pull out, I forget whose cycle it is, Blake. It's, it's a psychologist who was a pioneer. I think it was either Gerald May or, um, Mark Lazar, but he has an addiction cycle model. Mm. We find that really helpful in Awaken because it helps guys, and, and often the light bulbs don't go off immediately because, or they don't turn on immediately because these are hard to see dynamics. Mm. But when guys start to realize, "Hey, when I'm triggered, when, when, when there's some emotional pain or discomfort that resonates with something unhealed in me, I then go through a pretty set pattern that's not impossible to track." Mm. That actually helps undermine the addiction as opposed to, uh, necessarily taking that on as, "I am this addiction cycle," or, you know, it's- That's

Blake 11:20

right

James 11:20

right? It's a little bit of a separation.

Blake 11:22

100%. W- in, in my work with teenagers, that's one of the first things we try to do- Yeah is because the more we understand the addiction- Mm-hmm the more we see that this isn't just some part of me. Yeah. This isn't just some inherent, you know, core thing that I'm not gonna be able to change. Yes. And I just need to- grip on tight and find a way to manufacture the right actions. We see it as what it is. It's a, it's a dependent path, a cycle that- Yes with enough, you know, rightful kind of investment and the right supports around us-

James 11:59

Mm-hmm

Blake 11:59

can be changed, can be transformed. And shocker, right? This is what God has set up for us in sanctification, this process of transformation, of being- Yes grown more and more and more into his image over time.

James 12:15

Very little of us, Blake, is, is permanent. Very little. Well, well, I do agree. I mean, there's a few things. I, I, I do believe permanent male or female made in the image of God, and I do believe- Mm for those who are in Christ, sons and daughters, right? Mm. Very little, though, is permanent. And-

Blake 12:29

So true

James 12:30

thank God that very little is permanent because I, I don't know how personality will be affected in the new heavens and the earth, Blake. Um- I don't know how, but I do believe, and we do believe as Christians, that even things that are lifelong physical disabilities, even things that are lifelong desire struggles, 'cause some desires just don't seem to shift and, and we don't quite hit that point for some people. Whatever it might be, very little is permanent. I do wanna mention real quick, in our free men's course called Manna, it's our intro course, we do get into this same addiction cycle. So I just wanna mention, if you're a man listening to this, you can find out more in our Manna course. And I'm not actually exactly sure if Oasis, the women's equivalent, or if, uh,

Match The Help To The Need

James 13:13

Compass for, for wives support, uh, go over the addiction cycle or not. But I do know in Manna you will get some, some insight into this. So one of the things about this, Blake, that I think is coming out here is if I'm a pastor or if I'm someone walking with people or even not, you know, I'm a parent walking with my kids, one of the things I think you're, you're showing is that these labels can actually help us- know what we might need. So when I- Mm Blake, was being told by a mentor, "Hey, man, you should, uh, you should go check out Awaken because I think it would be life-changing after your, you know, you're 10 years into this consistent struggle daily, weekly, or whate- whatever consistency I was at at that point with pornography and masturbation. And that felt crazy to me. I remember thinking, Blake, a couple years prior, "I will never go to a place where I have to actually talk about these things." Right. And even when he told me to do it, he had a lot of weight in my life. Uh, this is a great mentor of mine named Yusin. Uh, shout out to Yusin, my, my InterVarsity staff, um, back at, in those days. But without someone like him with kind of the force that he had in my life, I literally pictured, Blake, like, a bunch of sketchy looking men walking in and out of, like- Mm-hmm a sketchy building somewhere in Towson, Maryland. I was not super hyped about, like, being around other men who are in this struggle.

Blake 14:35

Mm-hmm.

James 14:35

What I, of course, found, Blake, was guys like you and me, guys that I would see at church on Sunday. I'm not saying people who look just like me, I'm just saying people that I would say are normal on a Sunday, right? Or- Mm or around me in the supermarket or whatever. But one of the, the reasons someone might n- name an addiction, name a, "Hey, you're really stuck in this habituated sin," is because sometimes that actually can wake us up to say, "I need that level of support." And sometimes we're not open- Right to it when we're just saying, "Yeah, I kind of struggle here or there with pornography." But if I name, like, I'm doing this several times a week every week for years on end, sometimes- Mm I can say, "Okay, that sounds to me like an addiction." Not that I... You know, if you're a pastor, you're not saying, "I'm diagnosing you with an addiction." You're just saying-

Blake 15:18

Mm

James 15:18

It sounds like you might need some serious support."

Blake 15:21

Yeah. A, a 100%. I think that's a, a good way to put it of we, we always wanna try and match the, the level of intervention, help, healing, care to kinda the level of struggle, dependency, call it addiction, whatever it is. We w- we want those things to match. Yes. Uh, because that, that's the level we're going to need, right? And I think for the pastor out there, there's a, there's a freedom here of l- let whatever term is being used be used, right? Of if, if, if I've got, you know, someone come in front of me of, "Well, I'm just struggling so much, but I'm, I'm not an addict," it's like, okay, cl- it sounds like there's some shame there potentially, right? Yeah. But tell me more about your level of struggle. You know, oh, it's daily. It's something that feels- Mm-hmm preoccupying your mind. Uh, can't, you've tried lots of different things to help and nothing seems to fix it. Well, l- let, let's try something that matches that level. Here- here's a program I know called Regeneration, for example, that loves to help people who are struggling with pornography, sexuality, whatever it may be with, you know, a similar level of dependence, right? And obviously, if they lead with, "I'm, I'm, I'm an addict. I'm struggling with addiction," it's like, okay, I, I know a place that can work through those type of questions. And so- Mm-hmm in- instead of kind of picking a label of which one to use, we can ride the wave of whatever someone may be sharing with us and say, "What, what level of help would really match where we're at right now?" And I kinda think of three, you know, let's match the level of being known. You know, if I'm hiding and in secret a lot, let's match that. Let's get in a group. Let's be calling people. Mm. Let's be building structures. Mm. There's a match the level of a radical change to the routine, right? Or kinda boundaries. Oh,

James 17:19

yeah.

Blake 17:19

Um, and then matching the level of almost like education and reflection- Mm-hmm of what, what am I learning about in my brain? What, what am I digging into around God's, you know, hope, design for sexuality, around how he thinks about sanctification? Like, we want all these things to start matching up, and so whatever we can offer- Mm or, uh, yeah, to help them in that part of the process.

James 17:48

I love that. So y- you're matching these various elements. You know, Blake, one of the things that I actually kind of appreciate about addiction language, and I, I, this is a vague thought, I'm pretty sure I've heard it somewhere, maybe you've heard more about this, but theologically speaking, I think some people

Is Sin Basically Addiction

James 18:06

have talked about sin as addiction.

Blake 18:08

Mm.

James 18:09

There, there's a sense in which no longer are we are slaves to sin in Christ Jesus, and, and yet there can be a struggle as we're, over time, seeing our identity in Christ manifest itself, and being clothed with Christ is a process, it seems- Mm in Paul, to me at least. And so wh- as you're talking, I'm like, Blake, I have friends who never needed something, as far as they could tell, like Awaken. Mm-hmm. Who never had to go through a two-year journey in a group like I did in Awaken, or, um, coaching or therapy the way I, I have. Yet, I can't help but wish, not that... I don't wish an addiction on anyone by any means, but I can't help but wish every Christian, especially friends of mine- Mm who, who I think of friends who might have, uh, coped through video games when things got really hard and withdrew significantly. I think of friends who- Yeah you know, and myself and others who, we go to food when things get hard instead of knowing how to- Right meet our needs in Jesus, in community, in, in friends and family. There's a part of me that's like, I wish every Christian had this level of discipleship

Blake 19:19

Yeah.

James 19:19

And, and, and I, I get what you're saying, 'cause if, if someone doesn't have the same kind of struggle, you don't necessarily need to match the boundaries of, like, what I needed, which was some- Mm-hmm some men had a dumb phone, or I put filters on my smartphone. But if a man is struggling and they keep finding themselves medicating through video games, is there almost an equivalent of, like, I actually might need to give away, for temporary or permanent, a game console or a computer?

Blake 19:45

Right.

James 19:45

But, but even more, it's not even just about that. It's like I wish that every person had to do some of the deeper heart work that I had to do.

Blake 19:52

Yeah.

James 19:52

Where I'm giving Jesus access to parts of my heart. So Blake, how do you think about that? Do you think... And this is kind of a little bit of a curveball. I don't know if you've thought much about this, but, uh, this idea of, like, sin as addiction. Like, it's almost like we're all, because of the fall, because of the curse we've been under, as we come into new life in Christ, we're still putting off the old person and the habituated- Mm patterns of sin and putting on- Right Jesus. Is that too general- generalized, or what do you think? I,

Blake 20:22

I don't think so, and I, I think this comes back to this idea of addiction can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people, right? And-

James 20:29

Yeah

Blake 20:29

it, it depends on how we define it. And I agree with that idea of, I've heard it too, and, uh, sometimes I'll say it, of we're all addicted to something, right? Of- Mm uh, pornography, sex. It could be social media- Sure screens of some kind, video games, gossiping, sweet treats, shopping- Mm just checking the bank account. There, there's all sorts of things that we have kind of a, a fallen away from God dependence towards.

James 20:57

Right.

Blake 20:58

Right? The difference is there's often a social acceptance to a lot of these things, whereas there isn't to pornography and, uh, addiction to sex, right? And so it, it, it gets into this question of- You know, what can we do to draw more near to Christ, right? And I totally agree with you. It's, it's a funny thought of, uh, I don't want anyone to go through a deep struggle or addiction, but I want everyone to experience this process of being more known in community, having deeper understanding of their heart, feelings, desires, and how God wants to fill those up in a way more than any of these struggles or addictions can, right? I want them to know and reflect and be able to engage these truths and walk with other people through it. And it's like, if we can have that kind of maturity, growth, sanctification mindset, we can walk through anything with, uh-

James 22:58

Mm-hmm

Blake 22:58

this level of engagement.

James 23:02

It brings us right back to something you said earlier, which is this is a journey of maturity in the gospel. Mm. This is a... I, I, I love Eugene Peterson's maturity in the gospel term. Maturity in Christ is a, is a common biblical term. Um, I often think of spiritual, relational, and emotional maturity, Blake. Mm-hmm. And not that those are utterly separate, they actually have a lot of overlap, but recognizing there's, there's a lot of maturity to grow in. Like-

Blake 23:28

Mm-hmm

James 23:29

I, uh, B- Blake, I've always been drawn to the 1 Peter 5 passage about elders. Mm.

Blake 23:35

And

James 23:36

I feel like there's, there's something in all of us when we catch a vision for what does it mean to be an elder? Not, it doesn't just mean- Mm being an old person growing up old and, you know, spending the rest of your time on the beach. It means being someone who's actually shepherding people, who's walking with people. The pastor who asked this question is, is, is shepherding people. The parents who might think of these things are shepherding their, their kids, and... But, but there's something about this, like, call to mutual support that I'm hearing in what you're saying.

Blake 24:09

Mm.

James 24:10

It, it's a call to death too, and I think, I actually think evangelistically speaking, Blake, like, some of why people- turn away from Christianity seems to be like, I've only really experienced the shallow-

Blake 24:24

Right

James 24:25

uh, whatever. Obviously at Regen, we're so used to the deep end of the pool, we can maybe forget that some people do need a little bit of like a, a journey through the shallow end into the deep end. But, but I think there's an invitation for all of us, like what does it look like to go deeper in our walk with God? What does it look like to take maybe an honest inventory of like, how do I cope? I remember- Mm one person speaking to us at InterVarsity, Blake, when I used to, um, be on staff, and the speaker came in, and this was a, a husband and wife who had taken homeless people.

Blake 24:59

Mm.

James 25:00

What a call. Like, what a-

Blake 25:02

Yeah

James 25:03

what a thing to do. Including people who, uh, were trying to come off of hard drugs or alcohol. And one of the most interesting things I heard, and I don't think it's completely true, maybe there's a little bit of nuance that needs... But, but there's a truth to this. She's like, the, the wife said, "The way I reach for Oreos to comfort my pain isn't fundamentally different than what- Yeah the, some of the unhoused people who we've taken in are doing by reaching for something much stronger." So there is, maybe as for the nuances, there's this, there's a, the level of pain sometimes matches the level of medication, right? But that's actually- Yeah less of a, less of a, I don't know, condemnation of those who go to hard drugs. It's actually more of a s- a sense of like, what smaller pains do I take to the Oreos? you know? Like-

Blake 25:54

Mm-hmm. That's right

James 25:56

maybe there's an invitation for that for us.

Blake 25:59

Uh, th- there is, and I, I think you're all over it here, of this idea of I'm, I'm not so different from them, right? And any time we can access that of, "Hey, me too," like I understand, I get it. I, I'm also a medicator of my pain. I'm also prone to- Turn away and hide from God, right? And we all do that in some way, shape, or form. And if we can share- Mm that experience together, there's so much room for what God can call us into. And another thing you drew my mind to is, uh, is something that I talk a lot about, especially with teenagers, of I feel like sanctification can get such a bad rap of like-

James 26:44

Okay.

Blake 26:44

this is just, like, detention and, like- Yeah, yeah you gotta clean it

James 26:48

up Like, let me become more boring over time. That's what you're saying, right?

Blake 26:51

I, I gotta figure these things out, I gotta get better, and then I'll be... I'll get a threshold of maturity, and then I'm good, right?

Sanctification, Joy, And Confession

James 26:59

Yeah.

Blake 27:00

And from what I read in scripture, I, I just see this picture of God smiling upon us and having such great joy in our journey of sanctification. Like, every step more and more into His presence, more and more like Him in His likeness. Like, how does He not celebrate that and just jump at that, right? And, uh, so I think we, when we view it through that lens, there's a lot more, uh, uh, capacity to say, "Let me do that work of, um, internally, uh, diagnosing, like, where, where am I running? Where am I coping?" Mm. "What am I dependent on? What am I struggling with?" Yeah.

James 27:43

It's not for the sake of self-condemnation. It might be an invitation to confession. I know that for many, uh, listeners who are Protestant background, there's no formal sacrament of confession. And yet at Awaken every week, Blake, uh- We, we confess our sins because the Bible makes it pretty clear there's some serious benefits to confessing sin.

Blake 28:03

Mm-hmm.

James 28:04

Um, uh, healing and, and growth and wholeness and mercy, and I see that in Proverbs 28. Um, so I, I want us to kind of land the plane with a few more of these practical type considerations, right? We've talked about- Mm taking a little bit of an inventory-

Blake 28:21

Mm

James 28:21

of what are some ways that I cope, whether I'm struggling with sexual sin or, or whatever else, what are some ways that I cope? Talking about this idea of, you know, confession- Mm and kind of coming together, being honest- Mm about where we're at with others. So it's kind of noticing it, you know, by God's grace ourself, sharing with others. But Blake, as, as our chief end at Regen, as our, our goal is union with Jesus, as our goal is- Mm intimacy with Jesus, and as Jesus' goal for us in the Sermon on the Mount is become whole, teleios, perfect is how it's often translated, which I think is misleading. Become whole as your father is whole. A- as, you know, as Jesus- Mm is whole, we're called to become whole. Wonderful name for a podcast, by the way, um. We're in this process, right?

Blake 29:09

Well done.

James 29:10

But Blake, besides that kind of, uh, asking the Lord for self-awareness in ways we cope, and besides sharing that with others, are there any ways that you would invite even people who aren't specifically struggling with sexual brokenness to think bigger about how can I be formed, how can I become more mature in the gospel? Any- anything come to mind?

Blake 29:32

It's a, it's a big, broad question. Yeah. I love it. It's a great question. Uh, one that immediately comes to mind, and this one I struggle with a lot, I'm trying to do some of this practice in this, is we have to give time for kind of that silent presence. You know? It's hard to be aware of these things when a phone, a screen, a something is consuming all of our attention nearly

Silence, Rest, And The Next Step

Blake 29:58

24/7, and that- that's the world we live in. And so it's gonna take some really deliberate practice of how do I get away from a screen and even just give myself 15 minutes where I can allow to just sit, oh, breathe in some of the silence, and notice what, what am I feeling tugged and pulled in my spirit? Where am I feeling drawn towards?

James 30:23

Mm.

Blake 30:24

And from there, I think that's... Y- you've kind of labeled, I think, well, what's my next right step is a good way to think about it. There can be so many things we can do. What's one step in the right direction that moves me more towards this maturity in Christ? Is it journaling about my feelings, my emotions? Is it just telling someone in my community? Is it reaching out to Region saying, "Hey, I could use some help with this"? But- Mm just making it simple on yourself of what's, what's one step I can make today?

James 30:56

Mm. I love that, Blake, because I'm thinking about the listeners who are dealing with sexual sin, perhaps even i- in an addictive way. Uh, I'm thinking about those who, you know, we kind of alluded to at the beginning, betrayal trauma. Um, by the way, uh, another thing that you don't need to self-diagnose necessarily, and by the... Not everyone who experiences betrayal experiences betrayal trauma. Many do. That's why it's been a helpful term for many, uh, betrayed spouses. But wounds, I mean, even if- Mm even if we don't have a specific trauma, which I know we could spend a ton of time defining and articulating, we all have wounds. And I think what you're saying about- space and silence and, and stillness even and, uh, solitude perhaps, some of those- Yes classical disciplines, that benefits all of us because-

Blake 31:46

Mm

James 31:47

I can go through an entire day, Blake, where I'm just one thing to the next, and then when I finally have a few moments, uh, let me see what the YouTube algorithm surfaces- Mm-hmm so I, I don't have to think about anything and... But the times where, uh, here, it's funny actually, I'm getting, I've had almost what I'd call, like, a specific invitation from the Lord to these, like, 20-minute power naps.

Blake 32:08

Mm.

James 32:08

I lay down, I set a timer for 20 minutes. Not too different from, like, what someone might do as a short work break, like go on a little walk or whatever. Sometimes I do it in the middle of my workday because what I've noticed is even if I don't sleep in that 20 minutes, the stillness is giving the Lord, like, space, if you will, to sort through my very full mind.

Blake 32:30

Mm.

James 32:30

And I, something about that lowers my, probably my chemical levels in my body of adrenaline or cortisol. Something about that pushes against the distraction culture that I'm so prone to. Mm. And something about that also recognizes God is God, and I am not. I don't need to actually carry the world on my shoulders. I was literally just- Mm talking to a client, Blake, that it's such an important theme for strugglers to recognize rest is needed. Like-

Blake 32:58

Yeah

James 32:59

I, I can't actually carry the amount of weight and the amount of things that I carry and not look for something to medicate with because I'm a limited- Right human. And so there's a, there's a wisdom, there's a humility, and there's a glory even to recognizing I'm limited, God's not.

Blake 33:17

Mm.

James 33:18

I'm limited, and technology wants to pretend that I'm unlimited or I'm limitless. Mm. But I'm limited. There's, there's a grace in that- Yeah for me at least.

Blake 33:28

M- man, uh, put, put it on the docket for another podcast of what, what does healthy rest look like?

James 33:34

Seriously.

Blake 33:35

Yeah. Um, because you're spot on here of, I, I talk about it a lot with clients of we have to really intentionally choose our rest. Mm-hmm. In this culture, in this day and age, we're not gonna luck into rest. And also- Oh,

James 33:50

yeah

Blake 33:50

we often think of rest as I'm just "not doing anything" in quotes, but a lot of times that can fall into a screen or it can fall into things that actually aren't restful to our minds, our souls, and those different things. Mm-hmm. And so it really is a practice of growing what does rest look like for me, and what am I using my rest for? What is it pointing and directing and orienting me towards? And what you're describing is this process of rest for me, what you've built is it orients me more and more towards God a- and that's beautiful.

James 34:27

It gives space. It, it, it takes... I mean, for Dallas Willard, he, when he was asked what's the biggest really sin pattern in our culture, the biggest addiction, if you will, in our culture-

Blake 34:37

Mm

James 34:38

it's hurry.

Blake 34:39

Yes.

James 34:40

And technology, again, doesn't help with that. But like I've heard it said, uh, and I've quoted this TED Talk before, it's a really profound talk where it says the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, the opposite of addiction is community.

Community, Shalom, And Closing Prayer

James 34:54

Mm. And I just feel like I want to add to that a tiny bit right here as we close. I think the opposite of addiction is community, but even, even a zoomed out Christian, Jud- Judeo-Christian lens would be the opposite of addiction is shalom. Mm. And the reason I want to just add that term in as we close is because- As we grow in community, there, there's a necessary... Shalom includes our relationships. Go- God's perfect shalom, which is, uh, translated peace, but it's a much bigger word than that, includes our relationships, and relationships- Mm are such a big part of overcoming any struggle, especially something that i- is an addiction. Mm. But it also is the sense of overcoming addiction is a process of growing in shalom even when I'm just by myself with God- Mm even when I'm just by myself- Yes recognizing I'm with God. He's the God of all peace. He brings shalom.

Blake 35:52

Mm.

James 35:52

I don't know. The, I think there's... What I'm trying to say is I think as we grow and mature, a big part of that is our ability to slow down, to rest, to gr- go at- Mm God's pace.

Blake 36:06

Oh, uh, I love that imagery, and it just brings to mind this idea of addiction, or the goal of, of this isn't necessarily stopping the behavior. It's growing in more peace with God, others- Yes and myself.

James 36:19

Perfectly said. Yeah. So on that note, um, let me, let me just close this in a, in a brief word of prayer, Blake.

Blake 36:28

Let's do it.

James 36:29

Father, we invite more of your shalom over Blake and I and all of those who are listening to this podcast. And listeners, just, you know, you can silently join in. Lord, would you grow, would, would you bathe us in your shalom? We want your shalom. We want the, to live out the peace that Jesus has bought us with you, God. We want to live out shalom with, in community and recognizing how important community is to overcoming any struggle. But we also need that shalom, Lord, when we're just alone and, and those parts of us that are so twisted up or broken or disintegrated or, or just these wounds in our hearts, we need your shalom in those places. And we also recognize that you want to be with us even when we are indeed alone. You want to fix those broken parts. You want to be the great physician. Give our, ourselves and our listeners the grace, the grace to make that kind of unhurried space for you to love us, for us to experience your love, and for that to also drive us back into community and, and back and forth. And so whoever is listening, Lord, and a- and any pastors who are thinking, "How do I shepherd people? What terms should I be using?" I just pray that you'd give wisdom to match the struggle with, with what remedies might be needed. But ultimately, Lord God, that you would make us all people of shalom who aren't just seeing addicts as these other people, but are seeing opportunities to grow in not coping on our own terms, but, but living life in the Spirit. So we bless you, Jesus, and we pray all this in the name of the Father and of the Son of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Blake 38:13

Amen.